Guru vs Institution

Link to Rama's Tillana

This is a popular Tillana composed by Swati Tirunal in Raga Dhanashri which is very close to Bhimpalas and Abheri. I have tried to approximate it to the best of my abilities. I have sung it at a slower tempo than it is usually sung - well, I am still learning and had to compromise on tala for shruti. Many times I feel constrained by the tala and feel free as a bird in the sky when I can stop for a breather and not feel punished for it. While on the topic of 'learning'- Aditi's question is 'Can a book/institution substitute for a Guru?' It would be interesting to know what you guys think of my singing by putting this question in perspective. I have taken a temporary break from my formal lessons from my Guru, ostensibly to work on my dissertation ideas but without music I am like....you understand. To learn this song, I listened to several recorded versions -both vocal and instrumental repeatedly as is my wont when I try to learn on my own-sans a Guru. It was frustrating - expectedly so- to find the right lyrics. Are there ever? The right lyrics for a Tillana? Each artist that I listened to pronounced the bols slightly differently and added his or her own accent to boot! Apparently Swati Tirunal composed it in Hindi but.....well! After many futile attempts to correlate the lyrics that people kindly posted online with the recorded versions, I decided to type my own version! As you will realize, if you had time to listen to my rendition, the lyrics are a conglomeration of the different versions that I listened to plus the printed versions. Does this mean that my lyrics are right or wrong? Who decides that? Does my singing approximate the 'real' song? Or was something lost in translation- from the singer to the cassette tape to the internet and finally to my laptop and thence to my ears and mind? Does my singing convey any emotions at all? Or am I focusing on accuracy of shruti and words and sound like a synthesizer? Well- I have missed the shruti a couple of times but that's besides the point:)

Many of you will nod your heads in sympathy or empathy when I tell you that I have 2 major projects to complete for one of my courses. But music is the bane of my phD life but vital for my real life!

Aditi- a great poseur!